The Pursuit of Passion - An Argentine Tango Affair

How do we close the door to a beloved creative passion?
Once that door is closed, how do we find a new creative passion?
How do we make peace with the death of a passion? Resurrection?

These are questions I have wrestled with for the past six years. As a self-proclaimed bon vivant, dancing the Argentine Tango allowed me to luxuriate in pulsating, sensuous music, socialize with unique intellectuals, encounter new cultural experiences, and explore the creative depths of my soul. (The fine wine wasn’t bad either).

My tryst with ballroom dance was fleeting because there was no authentic expression - just canned, technical movements. Cut the CRAP. I wanted to FEEL SOMETHING…

Argentine Tango is about life: the highs and lows, the celebrations and losses. You and your partner feel a myriad of emotions in just one dance. It’s a lovely, expressive experience. The movements aren’t preplanned - you intuitively and organically feel your way through the dance. The present moment is all there is.

On the night of my 27th birthday, I attended my last milonga (a place where Argentine Tango is danced). After nearly four years of dedicating my Sunday nights and week nights to dancing, my inner muse experienced a death that has taken years to recover from. (I’m 33 years old now).

I knew I had to write about this because whenever I see or hear something that reminds me of tango, it hits a nerve and makes my heart race. The emotional part of my brain lights up evocative of the “Cell Block Tango.” I can easily reminisce about those times in a sort of nostalgic reverence, but I struggle with breaking free of my emotional connection to the music and the dance. I have never seen or experienced something so beautifully captivating and raw. This begs a couple of questions:

Will I always have a soul tie to the Argentine Tango?

Should I keep resisting something that brings me life and joy?

I didn’t stop dancing because I had a negative experience. It was a bittersweet breakup. I liken the feeling to parting from a lover whom you still care about and adore - but know you must go your separate ways. I was entering a new chapter of my life and simply couldn’t make the time to continue my passionate affair.

For years, I would not let myself listen to tango music or watch any tango videos. The easiest way for me to get over it was to block it out of my mind. Just this past year, I felt it was okay to listen to that rhythmic, soulful, music again- the music that feels like a warm embrace as the sweet sounds of the bandoneon (popular Argentinian musical instrument) sink into my veins.

Here I was.
Back on the dance floor.
Wearing my black, satin dress,
sparkly high heels,
fish nets,
and red lipstick.

Just last month, I was watching a t.v. show that showed a couple dancing the Argentine Tango. My memory flashed back to a feeling of innocent giddiness - moving my inner muse to watch Youtube videos of professional Argentine Tango dancers. I forgot I had saved a folder in my Youtube account of my favorite videos and began to watch them. Mesmerized just like I was six years a go, one cannot argue with the beautiful and soul-binding craft of this dance. All of a sudden, a passion that had been laid to rest came alive again.

I am content at this time allowing myself to enjoy listening to the music and watching the dance every now and then because it feeds my soul. Creative drought? I can rely on the Argentine Tango to enliven that part of me that beckons to be explored, tasted, seen, and heard. I may not be dancing the tango anymore, but just allowing myself to experience those tasty tidbits every now and then, reminds my muse that creativity is always within reach.

I will always have my dancing shoes. Dance is simply a part of my life I could never part with. Will I ever dance the Argentine Tango again? Never say never.

Just writing this blog post has helped me come to terms with my life as an Argentine Tango dancer. If you really know me, you may know that when I become enthralled by something, I go after it in full pursuit. I have to know everything about it. I was the dance. In another life, I lived and breathed it day and night. That is not me anymore and I’m okay with that. I wouldn’t be the same person today had I not had those rich dance experiences. I might not shut the Argentine Tango door completely, but unlocking that door and taking a look around helped me redefine and rediscover a new creative drive that I’m still exploring.

Where are you standing right now?
Is there a door waiting to be unlocked?

Don’t be afraid to rediscover yourself in new and creative ways.

Below you will find pictures of me dancing the Argentine Tango as well as two of my favorite tango performances and one hip-hop/tango performance. The videos are breathtaking and beautiful to watch. Enjoy!!